I have come to a halt in the forest and set myself down atop a rotting tree stump. I lean my face into my icy palms and take in shaky breaths as stubborn tears pour one by one out of my eyes. They burn against my cold cheeks and I wipe them away furiously.
I reach into my coat pocket and pull out my worn, black journal and flip through the cream colored pages until I come to a blank page. I remove my ballpoint pen from my other pocket and press it to the paper, writing in bold letters and am startled by another tear that slips out of the corner of my eye. Sighing, I look up through the trees, remembering the years gone by and a frown forms on my face. I return my gaze to my journal and read the hurried words, unaware of what I had even written.
The words say:
I HATE THAT I
YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON.
I am not at all startled by the words etched on the page – they came from the depths of my heart. They came from the part of me that has yet to get over what happened between us – even after two years.
I still wake up in the morning and see her sweet smile in my head.
I still go for walks in the park and hear her boisterous laugh.
I still look up at the night sky and see her eyes sparkling in the stars.
And when I close my eyes at the end of the day, I still replay the moment she turned on me.
I swallow a lump that has formed in my throat and place my pen back to the paper and write;
In many ways, memories can be our worst form of torture. The pain will still reside in the deepest parts of our souls. The memories will forever stay with us. In my experience, one does not “get over” something quite so terrible, rather one chooses to live with the pain -allowing it to consume them until they are nothing but a mere shadow, or one chooses to live through it – taking shaky steps through each day as they find just how to do that, until they are able to walk with stability. The pain is still there, they are still hurting deep inside, but they have managed to find a way to live through it, rather than with it.
So to my Dearest Christine, here is where I say goodbye to the happy days gone by, to the heart to heart talks in the middle of the night, and the laughs and tears we shared together.
Now I choose to live through the pain.
I lift the small pen away from the paper and let out a sigh as my shoulders droop from the burden that has been lifted from me. Too long have I allowed this pain to weigh me down. For too long have I allowed it to rule over me.
Now it was all gone and at last I could live again.
Not as the man I was before, but as a new man.
A changed man.
A healed man.
So I downloaded a free trial of this TOTALLY AMAZING PROGRAM called ZenWriter. It plays beautiful music, has an image as your background (so it’s not a boring white screen you’re writing on), and is completely designed to keep you immersed in your story. I love it so much and am going to have to look into buying the real thing pronto. O_O
So with the music playing, the background image, and the use of two writing prompts, this short story emerged. I’d never written in first person before and was actually really surprised by how much I enjoyed it! I’ll have to try it out a bit more. In some ways I feel like I wrote better in that POV than in third person…*thinky face*
Any feedback on this story/my writing is much appreciated! 😀
On another note, I’m like all done with NaNoWriMo prep and I’m kinda sad cause now I’m totally dying to write the book, but I have to wait so long to start on it! *cries* XD
What have you been working on lately?
Hello, my lovelies! *waves*
In case you didn’t know or realize – I have been in a crazy slump these days. I’ve had no motivation to really do anything and have kinda been feeling like a failure at life because of that. XD
But I’m finally overcoming that and have had some really productive days lately so I thought it was time for a writing updates post! 😀
A few days ago Emma and I decided we should start brainstorming book ideas for NaNoWriMo. It’s coming up quick, guys, and this time I want to be prepared – or more prepared than I was last year. I ended up hating the book I chose to write last year, so I wanted to give myself plenty of time to come up with something good. Thankfully, with help from glorious writing prompts on Pinterest, I’ve come up with a story that I am feeling REALLY excited to write! It’s about forbidden love, dragons, war, and waiting. It’ll be great. *angel face* I still need to finish up with my character worksheets, but um… It took me forever to do the first one so I wanted a break. #procrastinoratwork O_O
Today I really felt like WRITING. All the brainstorming the days before really got me motivated and I thought I was going to work on writing Chain Breaker, but then… Something happened and I suddenly found myself editing? I don’t know what happened there. XD
So as I was working on edits and changing things in my beloved story (and laughing out loud at my cringe worthy writing) I realized that this whole book just needs to be completely re-written. Over a year has passed since I first wrote it and it’s crazy, but my writing voice has changed and matured a lot since then, so it just didn’t sound like it was me that wrote it anymore. Plus there are just so many things that need fixing. Plot holes, character development, and the like (how is my character climbing down a cliff when he broke his hand like – the day before? Good grief. XD).
So I opened up a new Word Document and typed the delightful words “Chapter One.” And that set me off on the adventure of completely re-writing my precious book.
Originally, the first chapter had only 763 words. Now, today, I managed to re-write the first chapter with the same main stuff going on, but with more depth and detail to it and ended the chapter at 2,568 words. Whoa. O_O
I feel SO happy with my writing progress! Editing so far is going great – I feel satisfied and like it really is me writing it. And it’s just so cool to see how far I’ve come in a year.
And not to mention NaNo prep!! I’m going to try for the big 50K this year. I think this book has the potential to be that length, but we will see how that goes… ;D
Tell me! What’s going on in your writing life? Are you participating in NaNoWriMo? Have you started preparing yet?
Hi everyone! And Happy late Easter! I hope you all had a great time celebrating the resurrection of Jesus with your loved ones <3 I got back home yesterday from visiting my grandparents and brother and sister in-law for Easter – we had such a great time! 😀
Anyway, I’m here to talk to you about my new book, so let’s get on track ;D
Back in, I believe it was February, I began brainstorming for a book I called Oblivion about two princesses living in the middle of a huge war between 4 kingdoms who escape to the underground cities and try to recruit their own army to fight against the kingdoms and bring peace to the land.
I started writing it and though I liked the story idea, I realized it was a story that I couldn’t write. It wasn’t my style and it was a boring book to write. Who knows if I’ll come back to it someday, but for now it is shelved 😉
But then…. There was this one character – a side character – that I really loved. When in the planning/brainstorming stages for this book, I had written a lot of backstory for the characters and the world they lived in, so I knew this particular character, Jairus pretty well. His story was so intriguing to me, that I thought – what if I made Oblivion a trilogy? What if Jairus’ story was the first one, the second Oblivion, and then a third that was after the war?
So then I started exploring Jairus and his story some more. I was quickly falling in love with this guy and his story (okay, that sounded a little creepy, but writers do fall in love with their own characters and stories XD ).
But then – I don’t know what happened. I stopped planning. I wrote Oblivion a bit more and then I stopped that. I was in a major slump and after talking with Emma, I realized I was over planning everything because I was scared to start writing. I have basically been in a slump since NaNoWriMo last year when I wrote a book I didn’t like. And then Oblivion didn’t work out. So how could I be sure that Jairus’ story would work?
After letting myself sit in my slump a bit longer and thinking more about Oblivion than Jairus’ story (and kinda forgetting that I had even thought of writing his book. Confusing, I know, but I’m weird.), I talked to Emma some more and she reminded me of Jairus and how much I love him and his story. So I made the decision to write his story. This was my new project, with Oblivion completely out of the picture.
So now, my friends, it is my pleasure to introduce you to my new book…..
Chain Breaker!! 😀 (just a note that it won’t really say “By L.M. Fluffet” when it’s done, but for now I didn’t want to show my last name on my blog 😉 )
I haven’t yet written a blurb for this book, but it’s tragic. Very tragic. My poor little Jairus. *sobs* *hugs him* *wants to protect him from all evil but doesn’t cause I love tragedy*
Okay, I’ll tell you more about it than just saying it’s tragic. XD
Chain Breaker follows the story of Jairus who was left at the orphanage as a baby and grew up longing to be a soldier of the king. When he turns 16, he is free to leave the orphanage and begin his training to be a soldier. In between training sessions, he talks with a servant girl and they quickly become friends and slowly start to fall in love…
A few years later, Jairus goes away to aid a neighboring kingdom in a war and when he returns, he proposes to Catarina (the servant girl). Jairus’ general finds out about this and urges him to end things with her, afraid that this love will distract him from his duties and prevent him from being the exceptional soldier he is.
The unexpected happens and Jairus watches his true love die in his arms. After this, Jairus resigns as a soldier and becomes a poor, broken soul with no hope and nothing to live for. In the end, a new friend helps Jairus to find Light in the darkness.
I LOVE JAIRUS!!!! XD
Ahem. Sorry about that. XD
I’d love to hear what you think about Chain Breaker! Are you just as excited as I am about it? What are you currently writing?
Okay, you guys. I’m doing a scary thing here…
I am going to share with you a blurb for Painting Away the Darkness – the sequel to True Colors (which you haven’t read yet and you don’t even know what happens). Hopefully you won’t care about the spoilers, but if you would rather be surprised later in life when you read the books – then don’t read this blurb. XD
Painting Away the Darkness
“There used to be four of us… Now I’m alone.”
It’s been a year since Astrid, Connor, Sawyer, and Alina set out into The Wild to destroy The Dark Warrior – only to discover too late he was Connor himself.
Since then Astrid has been living alone; too ashamed of her failure to keep Connor in the light to return to Shano and face Zachariah. She decided to settle down in The Wild for the rest of her days, but when she receives a message of utmost urgency from Alina and Sawyer, she doesn’t hesitate to return to the aid of her friends.
Meanwhile, Connor has a thirst for vengeance and is ready to return to Shano in search of an old relic – The Eagle’s Flame – which will give him the remaining power he needs to destroy the old town he once called home and everyone in it – especially Astrid.
Connor is coming. Everyone is busy trying to think of a way to kill The Dark Warrior, but Astrid doesn’t believe he is all that dark and is determined to guide him back to the light.
Will Astrid be able to save Connor before the others kill him – or worse – before he kills them?
So there you go! This is my absolute favorite book/story I have ever written – it pulls at my heart and in the words of Katie Grace – it is my little baby novel. I love it so much and I really hope you all will, too!
Tell me; does Painting Away the Darkness sound interesting to you? Does it sound like something you would buy in a bookstore?
Heeeyyyyhooooo everyone! I don’t know what kind of a word that is, but it sounded fun, so let’s go with it. XD
I can’t believe it’s been a month since my last post – like what?! O_O Don’t worry. That’s changing starting now. I have a bunch of posts planned for this blog that’ll be coming weekly!
I thought that today it would be fun to give ya’ll an update on my writing life, so that’s what I have in store for you today 😉
Anyway, so far (in the one day I’ve done it) I’ve found editing to be hard and it makes me feel like I’m doing school. That’s not a good thing. XD So now I know that editing is gonna take me
an eternity a while to get through…
Concerning my NaNo novel….
I’ve decided to shelve it for now. Emma helped me to realize that at this stage in our life writing should be fun – not a job. I was not having fun with this book and there’s not really anything about it that makes me excited. So it’s saved on my computer…. Maybe someday I’ll work on it again or maybe I’ll use something from it in another book – I don’t really know. But I’m just gonna let it sit for a while 😉
Heh heh…. Yeah, I’m brainstorming for a new book right now and I’m actually pretty excited about it! I want to put a lot of work into this one – give it history, create back stories for the characters, etc. It’s gonna be kinda like Narnia in the way of a character representing Jesus and there being Christian elements in it, but it’s not going to be so in your face that it’s majorly noticeable, but – well, like Narnia! It’s all there, but you have to look for it
Also it’s probably gonna be a dystopian.
So that’s what I’ve got going on in my writing life at the moment; what’s going on in yours? Writing a new book? Editing? In a slump? Let me know in the comments below and we can encourage one another – or rant about writing together, whichever you prefer. 😉
Would any of you like to see more Character Studies with Connor? 😀
Hi everyone! *waves*
I am currently stranded in the car with my mom cause our car was overheating and now we are waiting for my dad to get here and look into things. Yippee. XD
Anyway, I thought I’d talk to you all about how my first week of NaNoWriMo went.
I set my alarm for like – 7:45’ish so I could get started writing right away….
That didn’t work out as I had planned. My morning routines got in the way of that. *glares at Facebook and WordPress Reader* So I didn’t get started writing until after 10. *shrugs*
The weather was just perfect for writing! I was so excited!
I’m pretty sure I ended my word count on a little over 2,000 words that day. Pretty good
Ugh. This day wasn’t good. I couldn’t seem to find the motivation to write and was just really blah. I didn’t start writing till like 9:30PM and only got in about 200 words. Bleh.
This was a writing day for me, but um, I only got in about 2,000 words…. Not good. I was insanely distracted.
Another writing day and got in another 2,000 words. I’ve realized that’s my average daily word count XD
And then there’s today….
I haven’t written yet and probably won’t get a chance to till tonight. My total word count is over 6,000 words right now, which I feel is pretty good. I’ve gone through some depression and simply not wanting to write moments, but yeah, I think I’m doing pretty good so far…. I think….
Anyways, how are you guys doing? Are you surviving this? Or are you falling through a dark hole that you can’t climb out of? Let’s support each other!! 😀
Lately I’ve been searching a lot for story ideas (NaNoWriMo, anyone? XD ) and during my thoughts while sprawled on the floor, I was thinking of the experiences I’ve had in life that I could incorporate into my writing. Here are a few examples:
1. When my step grandpa passed away, it was the hardest thing I’ve been through. It was hard to see him so frail and eventually gone. It affected me in a not good way. I’ve had countless dreams where I am reliving that night and I start bawling. It was a hard thing and obviously, very sad. But when I think about it, that experience can help me in my writing. I know now what it’s like to go through something like that, so, as sad as it is, I could write I realistic death scene.
2. I’ve been going through another hard time lately with my brother about to move out and get married. I’ve found myself crying a lot lately, but I’m trying to focus on being happy for him instead of feeling sorry for myself. This could work in a book also.
3. When my sister got married, I found myself actually feeling jealous and a little upset with my brother in-law because he was taking her away from us. Again, I’ve found myself going through some similar feelings with my brother’s marriage about to take place. I know it’s wrong, but it’s hard to let go of someone you love.
So those are just a few things that I could not only use, but the fact that I experienced those things first hand will help me to make them realistic and just feel – well – real. XD
Maybe you’ve experienced a terrible earthquake or tornado and your city went through a lot of damage – use it!
Maybe your family went through a rough patch in life financially and had to economize – write it!
Maybe you had to suddenly pack up and move out to some strange part of the world – use it!
Your experiences can help not only to make scenes insanely realistic, but to inspire your writing, too. When you’re having writer’s block, go through that door in your brain full of life experiences. Even though they may seem boring or just like – that’s not exciting – you can always make them more dramatic or create a whole different reason for why your characters are going through that. The whole point is to get inspired and to use your experiences to add those realistic feelings that will touch your readers heart.
Have you used your personal experiences in life in your writing before?
Have any of you heard of or done a word war before? I just learned about them recently through Go Teen Writers.
Word warring is where you set a certain amount of time, say 10 or 20 minutes and write with someone during that time. Then you go back and say how many words you got.
Honestly, I didn’t participate in any wars on GTW because I didn’t feel it would be something I could do. I am not a fast writer and I think a LOT when I write.
But then last week, my friend, Emma and I warred together. And I couldn’t believe how much fun it was! I wrote hundreds of words within just a few minutes, where before, I had written only a few hundred words in a few hours.
Warring seriously helps you to write and to get so much more done because you’re challenging yourself. You have a deadline and you have to give it your all.
Seriously, I’ve had days where I would write maybe 1,000 words total in a day. That night that we warred, I wrote about 2,000 words in barely over an hour. O_O
Photo via Matthew West
THIS IS SO ME GUYS!!! EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Guys, if you’re having trouble writing because the internet is calling to you, you don’t know where to start, or you find yourself just wanting to eat as you stare hopelessly at the screen (admit it, you’ve done this XD ); I encourage you to war – whether with someone or on your own. You will get SO much done and you will find yourself in awe at what you are capable of!
I’d ask if any of you wanna war, but…. I don’t have anything to write right now… I MUST PLAN FOR NANO!!! INSPIRATION, PLEASE STRIKE ME!!! *cries helplessly*
Do you like to word war? How does that work for you? What do you usually do when you procrastinate writing?
You aren’t going to believe this.
I can still not even believe it myself.
Are you ready?
Here we go.
I finished writing the first draft of my book. O_O
I CAN’T EVEN RIGHT NOW LIKE HOWWWW?!?!?
Let me tell you how it happened;
Emma and I challenged each other to write 100 words a day for this month. Well, we were just bosses with our writing (as I quote Emma 😉 ) and were dishing out thousands of words.
Suddenly, as we were writing together (we FaceTime and write all the time!) I realized I was trying to figure out how to drag out the story because I was nearing the end. I knew that if I kept writing, I would finish it that night.
Then depression struck me. I was not prepared emotionally to be done with this book. Yes, I know there’s still lots of editing and rewriting to do, but still. The story in itself was basically written. And that just made me really sad. I thought I’d be working on my book for over a year. I just wasn’t ready to be done.
I turned off the lights and draped a blanket over me so I could mourn. Emma screenshotted a picture of me:
After probably 20 minutes or so, I started writing again. And when the very end was in sight, I told Emma I had to go. I needed to give my undivided attention to my book.
This was the end. The tragic, depressing, terrible end.
And I wrote the last sentence. And I just stared at the screen and then into open space. When I clicked out of my document, I felt dead. Drained. It was similar to how I feel when I watch an amazing movie that kills me. Only, I feel like this was worse.
As I helped my mom make lunches for my dad and brother last night, I had the same expression on my face – so solemn. I looked like I just lost something.
Then, as we were watching The Andy Griffith Show, I read a post on Go Teen Writers about taking 6 weeks off after you finish writing your first draft. She mentioned how exciting it is and how you need time to celebrate and then I realized something – I wasn’t happy at all. I was depressed.
I decided right then that I was being ridiculous. Yes, it’s okay to be sad when you finish your first draft, but hey – YOU FINISHED YOUR FIRST DRAFT!!! That is a HUGE milestone! You should be happy and excited!
I mean seriously, this is the longest story I’ve ever written and I’ve made one step closer towards completely finishing it up and having it published!
So now, I’m not fully depressed anymore – I’m happy. Though there is still that sadness inside me (I CAN’T WRITE IT ANYMORE DURING MY FACETIME DAYS WITH COOKIE!!!! *sobs*) but I’m also so excited! I get to enter a new chapter in the life of a writer – editing. Oh, the horror. XD I’ve heard such terrible things and I know this book needs a TON of editing. *whimpers* BUT I’M EXCITED BECAUSE IT’S NEW AND EXCITING, NO MATTER HOW SCARY IT IS!!! XD
I’m placing my trust in God to help me get through the editing stage. But, you know. I’ll still need all the encouragement I can get from my wonderful writing friends! ;D
Hopefully it’ll be published next year? Maybe? It depends on how much I procrastinate which will definitely be a lot… XD
Well, a howdy-do to ya’ll! *waves* *tips hat* *bows* And all that fun stuff. XD
I was looking through my drafts today and found this insanely random story I wrote in February that makes absolutely NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!!! Which is probably why I stopped writing it at such a terrible spot….
Anyways! I thought it would be fun to share it with you because – who doesn’t love random stories? I remember laughing as I wrote this… I honestly just wrote this story just to write. So yeah, enjoy. XD
Long, long ahead, in the the year 4087, a young girl slips out of her fluffy bed and sets her bare feet onto the cold, hard wooden floor. She flips her buttery blonde hair out of her face and stares at the wall blankly.
Today was another boring, uneventful, tiresome day. It was Saturday and the girl, named Avery, had no plans.
Avery put on her rainbow robe and unicorn slippers and walked drearily down the mahogany stairs, the scent of alfalfa waffles traveling into her nostrils.
“Good morning, Avery! How’s my little cupcake of a muffin?” Her mother cooed as she poured some honey over the crispy waffles.
“Fine.” Avery replied without any enthusiasm. She pulled out one of the bamboo chairs and sat at their table, which also, was made out of bamboo.
Avery’s mother, Mrs. Brown, set a plate of steaming cold alfalfa waffles, drizzled with honey in front of her daughter. Avery stared down at her plate and sighed ungratefully. “Mom, is there no more JuJu Berry Juice?” She inquired expectantly.
“No, I’m sorry, cupcake. The cows have been slacking off lately.” Her mother informed, apologetically.
Avery sighed once again and began eating her alfalfa waffles, spoon in hand. As she brought the spoon up to her lips, she closed her eyes and took a bite. When she opened her eyes, she saw a place filled with millions of exotic plants and hundreds of cows. There were trees growing strong and tall, full of cupcakes, donuts, and wrinkly marshmallows. Growing closer to the ground were peanut M&M, raisin, and cookie bushes, but that wasn’t all. There were spaghetti flowers, banana split clouds, and a cheeseburger for a sun. The cheese rays were shining through the banana split clouds and highlighting a glaze river. Avery blinked her eyes about a half dozen times, but still she remained in this strange land.
“Where am I?” She wondered out loud and startling her out of her skin, a farmer who seemed to be half human and half a milk carton called out, “Why, you’re in Grubba Malanka – the capital of Sugvegmefruitatia!”
Avery’s mouth hung open. “Ummmm…. Okay.”
*nervous giggle* I hope you liked it! XD
Namarie! (I’m feeling so LOTR-ish lately, oh my gosh!!! *dies*)